【作文团】养老34足球赛34

时间:2016-10-18 07:04:10   |    润艺·艺术圈

  作者 | M社桃子,Smile

  小编 | 璃儿

  作文题目

  

  

  养老“足球赛”(原文)

  作者:

  M读书团-B桃子

  As can be apparently seen from above picture, four people are playing a football game, regarding their father as a ball. The eldest one kicked his dad away, while the other 3 kids are defending their goals.

  The implied meaning of the picture should be taken into consideration seriously. First of all, people are reluctant to take care of their parents because of inconvenience. They don't want to provide support,neither mentally nor financially. Thus, the seniors are suffering from loneliness and easily be nostalgic. What's more, people escape from their duties to take care of their parents,results in empty-nesters,who are desperately need accompany.

  Just as the picture reminds us, some practical measures should be taken to cope with this phenomenon. It is high time that we should arise the awareness of kids to respect the seniors. In addition, the government also has to enact legislate to make sure the young support their parents. Above all,we should take our responsibilities to take care the elders and set good examples for our kids.

  M作文团参考解析:

  满分100分,本文得分86分。

  评语:作者词汇基本功很好,高级词汇表达也比较恰当;作者在句法层面做的很棒;文章结构严谨,有效地使用了语句间的衔接成分。

  部分句子点评

  1

  第一段

  1.1 As can be apparently seen from above picture, four people are playing a football game, regarding their father as a ball. (M注:在考研英语写作中要注意people表示“人,民族”与person的区别)

  2

  第二段

  2.1 The implied meaning of the picture should be taken into consideration seriously. (M注:在考研英语写作中cinema, film, movie, picture 都有“电影” 的意思)

  2.2 They don't want to provide support,neither mentally nor financially. (M注:在考研英语写作中,英文标点符号之后须加空格)

  2.3 Thus, the seniors are suffering from loneliness and easily be nostalgic. (M注:本句有语法错误,参考修改为Therefore, the seniors are suffering from loneliness and easy nostalgia. 因此,老年人容易孤独和怀旧。在考研英语写作中,stand, bear, endure, tolerate, suffer, abide, withstand 都有“忍受”的意思。)

  2.4 What's more, people escape from their duties to take care of their parents,results in empty-nesters,who are desperately need accompany. (M注:在考研英语写作中,英文标点符号之后应该加空格。本句的闪光短语有what's more,它的意思是意思是另外、而且,what's more有助于提高文章衔接 ,是经典补充类词组。在写作中要注意care for和take care of之间的区别。)

  3

  第三段

  3.1 Just as the picture reminds us, some practical measures should be taken to cope with this phenomenon. (M注:本句的闪光短语有cope with ,它的意思是对付…,妥善处理,cope with属于经典高分短语,用得非常棒。)

  3.2 It is high time that we should arise the awareness of kids to respect the seniors.(M注:本句为中式英语,参考修改为 It is time to let the children realize that respect for the elderly.是时候让孩子意识到对老人的尊重。 在英语写作中high,tall, lofty 都有“高的”意思,请注意它们之间的区别。)

  3.3 In addition, the government also has to enact legislate to make sure the young support their parents. (M注:本句中enact legislate这个搭配有误,可以将enact legislate换为legislation,参考修改为In addition, the government also has to legislation to make sure the young support their parents. 此外,政府还必须立法,以确保年轻人支持他们的父母。)

  3.4 Above all,we should take our responsibilities to take care the elders and set good examples for our kids. (M注:在考研英语写作中,英文标点符号之后应该加空格。)

  

  M作文团参考修改稿

  修改者:

  M作文团-Smile

  As can be apparently seen from above picture, four people are playing a football game, regarding their father as a ball. The eldest one kicked his dad away, while the other 3 kids are defending their goals.

  The implied meaning of the picture should be taken into consideration seriously. First of all, people are reluctant to take care of their parents because of inconvenience. They don't want to provide support, neither mentally nor financially. Therefore, the seniors are suffering from loneliness and easy nostalgia. What's more, people escape from their duties to take care of their parents, results in empty-nesters, who are desperately need accompany. Just as the picture reminds us, some practical measures should be taken to cope with this phenomenon. It is time to let the children realize that respect for the elderly.

  In addition, the government also has to legislation to make sure the young support their parents. Above all, we should take our responsibilities to take care the elders and set good examples for our kids.

  jing dian yu ju tui jian

  ?. ?~?..?

  经典语句推荐

  M作文团

  1. What's more, people escape from their duties to take care of their parents,results in empty-nesters,who are desperately need accompany.

  更重要的是,人们逃避他们来照顾他们的父母的责任,导致空巢老人,迫切需要陪伴。(M注:在考研英语写作中,英文标点符号之后应该加空格。本句的闪光短语有what's more,它的意思是意思是另外、而且,what's more有助于提高文章衔接 ,是经典补充类词组。在写作中要注意care for和take care of之间的区别。)

  2. Just as the picture reminds us, some practical measures should be taken to cope with this phenomenon.

  就像照片提醒我们,应采取一些切实可行的措施来应对这一现象。(M注:本句的闪光短语有cope with ,它的意思是对付…,妥善处理,cope with属于经典高分短语,用得非常棒。)